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Get the friends you want

Is your shyness hindering you from making friends? Do you feel lonely most of the time? Are you suffering from social anxiety and struggling with inability to make good conversations? Paul Sanders had been in your position.

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5 Reasons Why You Don’t Have the Friends You Want

Last updated on February 14, During my high school years, it was hard for me to connect with people. I felt depressed when no one liked me, and I hated having to spend weekends and evenings alone. On top of that, I was an introvert who felt shy in large groups, so parties or mingles were not for me.

I was certain there was something wrong with me. I started reading about social skills and how to get a social life up and running. As it turns out, there was never something fundamentally wrong with me. These are the very steps that helped me go from lonely to a life full of friends. When I saw how everyone made friends but me, my self-esteem tanked. It turns out that even I, a nerdy introvert, could transform my life from a loner to having a life full of wonderful close friends.

If you want more tips on what to do when socializing feels boring, read more here. Here are some misconceptions about finding friends. Understanding this makes socializing more fun. TRUE: Making friends is about being warm and authentic. More on what I mean by that later. TRUE: Those places suck to make friends! People mostly go there to have fun with their existing friends. That just takes energy. I actually made most of my friends from this single group!

But there was no philosophy group in my small hometown, so I decided to start my own. I put together a step-by-step guide for finding interest groups that fit YOU or creating your own group here.

Because anyone goes there. When we meet people who we can relate to, we bond so much faster. I loved going to groups where people were just as nerdy as I. On the other hand, going to places where extroverts went just made me nervous. But it can still be really scary! I was afraid to talk to strangers. But eventually, I learned a trick that changed all that:. In one study, participants with social anxiety had to meet with a complete stranger 1 on 1.

The scientists asked half of the participants to focus on themselves: How they might come off, etc. People who focused on the other person described themselves as considerably less nervous than those who had focused on themselves. What does this mean for you and me? Actively force your brain to focus on the other person. Instead of worrying how you come off. Next time you take a walk, ask yourself questions about the people you meet. See what that makes to your self-consciousness.

I explain in detail how to cultivate an interest in people here. When I felt intimidated by people I met I had a safety behavior. I became a bit more reserved. I waited for others to be friendly first. Take this quiz and get a custom report based on your unique personality and goals.

Start improving your confidence, your conversation skills, or your ability to bond - in less than an hour. Others just see you as distant and unapproachable.

Why does everyone love dogs? Because dogs dare to show how much they love you. I explain it more in detail and show examples in this video:. I go more into detail about exactly how to put down the mask here. You want the conversation to go back and forth between you and the other person. I went to a photo group the other day. My conversation went something like this:. What kind of landscape photos do you do? Ask a simple question about someone, then share a little bit about yourself.

Then, ask a question back. If you only talk about yourself, you come off as self-centered. If you only ask questions, you come off as an interrogator.

This is important to make friends — people need to get to know you before they dare to trust you and like you. If you want to improve your social skills, self-confidence, and ability to connect with someone, you can take our 1-minute quiz. You need to keep in touch and meet regularly.

I made really awkward attempts to keep in touch with people. In step 2, I explained how to ask slightly personal questions. For example, I one time met up with a guy who had read several of the same business books that I had read. Want to grab a coffee some day and talk more business stuff? Do you see what happened there?

I used our commonality as a reason for meeting up. This was five years ago, but today, this guy is actually still a great friend of mine! Read more about turning someone into a friend here. When we get a partner, we risk spending time with that person only. But after a while, we might realize that we need to get out of the house and meet new people. And maybe get some healthy distance from our partner. Go find a meetup with something YOU are interested in.

To do that, go to step 1 of this guide and read it extra carefully. Best of luck with your soon to be friends! The interest in my findings has been beyond my dreams. We now have 30 members taking our courses. Follow me on Twitter or Read more. I really enjoy your videos. I just joined a new church and trying to establish new friendships.

I think this info you are sharing will help me to connect. Amy was known for having a bubbly, extroverted personality. I saw right through that facade, and she was excessively rude and cared more about herself than anyone else. I explained this to a friend who essentially agreed, but Amy heard our entire conversation and was infuriated. I think he told Amy and she hates my guts. Amy and I have band together, and all of the girls are good friends with Amy and never liked me much because of my introverted personality.

They started glaring at me and whispering to each other when I come into contact with them or even walk by. My sophomore year is going to be hell.

Please help. I have always had a hard time fittig in! I like watching movies,and doing things considered the less masculine things. I always feel so different, like an outsider.

I really have a rejection issue. For years and years i have. I want to finally rise above. What I still have problems with are not thinking too much about what others think of me wayy to much and not totally changing my personality. I classify myself as someone who used to be a hypersensitive person who would get offended by the slightest remarks and not know what to do about those feelings.

Is being sensitive a trait of a weak mind? What about qualities like empathy and deep care for others that I almost never get back to the same degree.

Another reason for my social isolation was because I never gave friendship much of an importance in middle school so I was always alone in the corner; when I tried changing myself I went overboard with talkativeness and being TOO outgoing it was a very drastic personality change and people ran away from me.

Please help me I have gone into depression due to social isolation and not having anyone to confide all of my thoughts with.

What should I do?

10 Tips to Make New Friends

Last updated on February 14, During my high school years, it was hard for me to connect with people. I felt depressed when no one liked me, and I hated having to spend weekends and evenings alone. On top of that, I was an introvert who felt shy in large groups, so parties or mingles were not for me. I was certain there was something wrong with me.

The first steps to getting the social life of your dreams is overcoming hesitation, shyness, and loneliness. Once you do that, you can put into practice any social skill you learn. Are you tired of running out of things to say?

All orders are protected by SSL encryption — the highest industry standard for online security from trusted vendors. I had all the socially awkward symptoms. I felt lonely, shy, and filled with social anxiety. If you have no friends or not the kind of friends that make you happy, what should you do? Give up?

Learn Secrets Most People Will Never Know About How To Make Friends

This article is available for download as a free PDF ebook. Click the button below to download my free ebook. I would like some advice on how I can meet new people and get more friends. After all, friends form a big part of our life for most of us. They are the ones who walk through life together, share our ups and downs, and pains and joys. Broadly speaking, there are 3 types of friends :. Most of us are looking to make regular friends and if possible, true, soul friends. No matter whether you just want to make normal or best friends, you can do that. When I was in junior college, I maintained this seclusive lifestyle, though I began to speak up more.

Get The Friends You Want eBook – Get The Friends You Want

Aziz Jan 20, Podcast 2 comments. Do you have the friends you want? Do you have several deep close friendships, lots of people you can hang out with, and a thriving social life? Aziz interviews friend-making expert Paul Sanders to crack the code on how to easily and quickly make life-long friends.

On a blustery March day five years ago, I locked arms with my mother and walked into a church in Maplewood, New Jersey to bury my brother.

In reality, friendships are among the trickiest relationships out there. With such an active presence on social media, they have constant opportunities to share the minutiae of their daily lives with hundreds or even thousands of people. A study of more than 1, to year-olds found that the most frequent social media users were also three times as likely to feel socially isolated.

How To Quickly Make The Friends You Want With Paul Sanders (Part 1)

Read on to discover what these reasons are, and how to overcome them…. This is a big reason that can hold you back from reaching out to people. Some will be bored with you, but others will love to hang out with you.

Read on to discover the reason why so many people end up lonely, crippled by shyness, unable to make good conversation and cause potential friends to REJECT them… or even humiliate them and talk behind their backs. I had all the socially awkward symptoms. I felt lonely, shy, and filled with social anxiety. If you have no friends or not the kind of friends that make you happy, what should you do? Give up?

“I have no friends”: 6 steps to get the friends you want

Our friends shape who we are, and they are people who are there to listen. However, if you find it intimidating making new friends, rest assured that you are not alone, which is especially true in adulthood. Have you found yourself reading friendship quotes in want of new friends? If so, we can help. There are many factors that can cause you to look for new friends , which may include a move, a lifestyle change, or simply growing apart from ones you were once close to in life. If you partake in activities and events that you find enjoyable, there is a likely chance that you may meet individuals that share your interests, which will lead to new friends. Surrounding yourself with friends that share your interests allows you to be open and enjoy your favorite activities!

Aug 16, - Paul Sanders is a friendship & social skills coach, and author of the "Get The Friends You Want" book. He helps people overcome social.


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