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Jump to navigation. Standing in her balcony in New Delhi's cramped Lajpat Nagar locality, she stares into the distance, thinking of the things that once brought her joy but now sit around her apartment gathering dust, like the guitar she hasn't strummed in a while. Break-ups are tough. Commitment even tougher. At 39, Chandni name changed on request , is certain she will never marry.

An arts and culture consultant, she is part of a demographic that is fast becoming an economic and political force to reckon with- the single woman. The census records a most staggering statistic: a 68 per cent decadal increase in the ranks of the never- married woman in the age group years. See this in the context of the 27 per cent overall increase in the number of women in the same age bracket over the same period.

And now wrap your head around the significance of these two seemingly innocuous pieces of data. These numbers are a statistical validation of an emergent reality most of us have some anecdotal evidence of- the rise of the unattached, independent woman, who has rejected the socially sanctioned default setting of a married life.

The urban Indian single woman is answerable to no one but herself. She is armed with an education and a career and the empowering financial independence it brings.

Her life choices are her own. She works hard and parties, if she so pleases, even harder. She may have a partner in her life, or a friend with benefits, or no one at all. She is travelling places, solo or with soul sisters. She gets lonely, but thinks marriage is too heavy a price to pay for her independence. She does not need marriage for a fulfilling life, or children- adoption and IVF help her realise her goal of motherhood.

A large number of women in cities, therefore, are able to lead fulfilling lives without having to marry. I've never felt the compelling urge to go in for a secret engagement or even a steady boyfriend men always, always seem to disappoint after the initial dating rituals In short, meet yours truly, a confirmed single girl, who hasn't been able to whip up an appetite for 'grand love' or 'eternal wedded bliss'. Meera Bhojwani, 37, a clairvoyant who divides her time between Rishikesh and Delhi, too, was clear since her childhood that she would never get married.

Watching her mother live through two abusive marriages put both Meera and her sister off marriage forever. For Anukriti Pandey, who grew up in Bihar and now works as a writer in Bollywood, being single is a conscious choice, which means taking care of herself, her beliefs, self-respect. I don't depend on an external source for validation," she says. The committed singleton apart, what makes the more amatonormatively-inclined eventually give up on the idea of marriage?

A common refrain is: men don't know how to love them. They wonder aloud what a single life might entail- the perks and the price. And for many who still wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side, the swirl of ideas aired in these gatherings is rich material for reflection on their own choices. More women are choosing to remain single not because they cannot find a man, but because they see themselves and their lives beyond such a relationship and marriage.

More than economic independence, it is the freedom to be who you are that is the attraction of singlehood. Soma Bhowmik, for instance, chose to end her relationship with her boyfriend when she realised he wanted to control how she interacted with other men. The year-old director of the ArtsAcre Museum says: "The day my boyfriend objected to my being so liberal, I knew I couldn't allow someone to dictate my behaviour.

Yet others have tried dating apps and come out underwhelmed, if not scalded. When Chandni reinstalled two dating apps- Hinge and Bumble- after a hiatus, she found the same men she had encountered two years ago. She quickly uninstalled the apps. Nitya Wallia, 43, a Delhi-based flight attendant with an international airline, goes on dates arranged online when she is out of the country. For Sonia Kapoor, singlehood came organically. The year-old lawyer, who shuttles between Delhi and Guwahati, didn't start out wanting to be single.

But when she was younger, she wanted to concentrate more on her career than on finding a man. And as she grew older, she began enjoying her individuality: she loved travelling solo, indulging her hobbies, hanging out with an eclectic group of friends.

Later, when I did make a half-hearted effort, the men out there did a good job of putting me off the idea," she says. She tried online dating for a while but was put off when the men she met were intimidated by her success. She is now reconciled to the idea of staying single. For these single women, the absence of a man does not mean it's the end of their lives. Her single status, for instance, did not stop Ashima Chibber, 44, director of the hit Mere Dad Ki Maruti and the popular web series Ladies Room, from going for an IVF in-vitro fertilisation procedure at age She had a son at 43 and says the past year has been most fulfilling.

And since I always wanted to be a mother, I went ahead with the decision. What does the rise of the financially and emotionally independent urban Indian woman mean for the wider social and familial set-up? Friendship may become an alternative to kinship. All 'deviations' are normalised through marriage. Marriage does remain the default setting for most women in the patriarchal Indian set-up, the ultimate safety net, after which a woman is considered to have 'settled' down.

Parental pressure to get married is often driven by fear or concern about a lonely middle age and beyond. Pragya Laal, committed to the idea of being single since the age of 35, has to routinely calm her parents down. But 41 now, she has herself occasionally started worrying about what will happen to her after her father dies.

Kolkata-based architect Runjhun Gupta, 35, says society conditions women for marriage through stories of "prince charming on a white horse" coming to rescue them from eternal singlehood. Then there is the whole wedding industrial complex that celebrates marriage as the key to happiness.

Most couture fashion in India, for instance, celebrates the bridal look. It turns out single women in Japan are having entire weddings minus the bridegroom. The thrill is in the dressing up, the photoshoot, without the hassle of an actual marriage.

Back home, Kundu did something similar. She had always dreamed of a white wedding. She dressed up in a white and gold sari, her grandmother's choker around her neck. Bollywood music completed the setting. Except that the occasion was her 40th birthday, not her wedding.

She was accused of overdoing it, but remained unapologetic about it. Next year, Kundu will be organising the first-ever summit of single women in Bengaluru. However, despite the many positive changes, singledom is still an affliction in the eyes of many. Any medical issue? Any mental problem? Gupta became the black sheep of the family and eventually her parents, embarrassed and afraid of being inundated with questions about their unmarried daughter, stopped going for family get-togethers.

My relatives called me shameless for celebrating and dancing at other people's weddings and, as I crossed 30, started telling me how I was only going to end up with 'a second-hand divorcee or a widower'. As I hit 35, according to them, I had lost the chance for a husband, children and, basically, a fulfilling life, Gupta adds.

Society has failed single women, says Archana Mittal, advisor, resource mobilisation, at School of Development and Impact in Delhi. A therapist as well, Mittal talks about how single women, often termed 'witches', struggle to get housing and are subjected to abuse every step of the way.

For instance, renting or buying apartments in Kolkata has been an exercise in answering intrusive questions about her personal life for Bhowmik. And when I was living in a rented place, I was strictly told I could not bring my parents or [male] friends over to my place. There were rules about what time I could come and go, and if I was throwing a party, friends would have to leave by a set hour. No drinking alcohol or hurly-burly," she says. Another time, when Bhowmik sought help from her local guardian and mentor in the city, he took it as an invitation to grope her.

According to Mittal, the general assumption is that single women must have multiple partners or are lesbians. People also assume they must be lonely and lost. Such judgement permeates workplaces as well, making professional spaces tricky to navigate for single women.

According to Gupta, the immediate assumption about any woman in her workplace 'past her prime' and living on her own was 'she must be easy! Great to have a little bit of fun with'. Working late or travelling alone with men for work is not considered passion for work, but inappropriate, even promiscuous.

Fifty-year-old Priya Gandhi, a Delhi-based fashion designer, encounters similar stigma. It is very annoying to be seen as a woman who is looking to get your man.

Tired of the stigma and difficulties they face, single women are coming together to form networks. Gupta is in the process of starting Rahee, a community that will function as a safe space for singles to meet and share their stories. The aim, says Gupta, is not to preach the benefits of singlehood. To get married or to remain single or divorced or be separated is a personal choice," she says.

Last September, the Majlis Legal Centre, a forum for women's rights discourse and legal initiatives, launched its Happily Unmarried project to encourage women across age groups to post personal stories of how they chose to remain single on their Facebook and Instagram accounts. Whether a story about a woman walking out of an unhappy marriage or one refusing to adhere to societally dictated timetable of when she should get married and have children, each story inspires the reader to choose their own path.

Property rights and health insurance benefits are a must," adds Mittal. Especially for single women in smaller towns and in villages, who may be financially insecure and where the stigma attached to the single status is much higher.

For instance, in February , a village in Gujarat banned mobile phones for single women and girls. They could use phones under supervision only if they wished to talk to their relatives.

The reason offered was that girls and single women should focus on their education, not on addictive activities such as using a mobile phone.

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Jump to navigation. Standing in her balcony in New Delhi's cramped Lajpat Nagar locality, she stares into the distance, thinking of the things that once brought her joy but now sit around her apartment gathering dust, like the guitar she hasn't strummed in a while. Break-ups are tough. Commitment even tougher. At 39, Chandni name changed on request , is certain she will never marry. An arts and culture consultant, she is part of a demographic that is fast becoming an economic and political force to reckon with- the single woman. The census records a most staggering statistic: a 68 per cent decadal increase in the ranks of the never- married woman in the age group years. See this in the context of the 27 per cent overall increase in the number of women in the same age bracket over the same period. And now wrap your head around the significance of these two seemingly innocuous pieces of data. These numbers are a statistical validation of an emergent reality most of us have some anecdotal evidence of- the rise of the unattached, independent woman, who has rejected the socially sanctioned default setting of a married life.

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In Hadauti, brides are available for Rs 50,000

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New Delhi: Dating apps have made looking for love easier than looking for a job. From needing Facebook and LinkedIn accounts to set up profiles to being matched based on a personality test, Artificial Intelligence AI has become the new-age matchmaker. In , India recorded 7. For anyone looking for no-strings attached one-night-stands, or many-night stands, Tinder is the ideal place to browse potential partners.

This story is from July 13, The trend of brides being purchased is secretly on the rise in the rural and semi-urban areas of Hadauti region Surprisingly, prosperous communities like Mahashewari, Baniya, Jain and Bhramin are going for such marriages. JAIPUR: As Rajasthan is reeling under a skewed sex ratio, youths here are finding it increasingly difficult to get a bride for themselves. However, there's hope for such youths who can purchase a bride at Rs 50, to 1 lakh.

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