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Looking for girlfriend > Looking for a wife > How to get your friend to stop cutting

How to get your friend to stop cutting

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The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. This article was published more than 3 years ago. Some information in it may no longer be current. My friend and I have been close for almost 40 years. In the past five years, she has developed this unbearable habit with her cellphone of constantly watching who is calling while we talk. During the course of almost every phone conversation, she tells me, "Oops, there goes my other line.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Watch This if You Want to Cut a Friend Off - AdviceWithAsh

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Cutting: Let's talk about Self Harm (4 Ways You Can Help!)

How to Deal with Self Harm

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Years ago I was responsible for training volunteer telephone counselors for an international Christian ministry. We were getting calls a day from adults and teenagers who were in crisis, hurting in some other way, or needing prayer.

Some of the young people who called were struggling with cutting themselves. This frightened some of our volunteers. So I taught the lay counselors a class on self-injury, based on my experience with these clients in psychotherapy and the research I did.

This articles is based on the notes for the class I taught in People who injure themselves are in pain. And they feel alone. I feel dead inside. The only time I feel alive is when I cut my arm. I have been doing this for a little over two years now. I have recently been talking to a Christian therapist. Then I go right back to it. This seems to be the only way I can cope with my pain. No other outlet seems to work. And that I can be set free from this prison of self-hatred.

Self-injury is one of those taboo subjects that we tend not to want to talk about. Those who do it feel ashamed. Busy emergency room doctors and staff may get exasperated with those who need treatment for intentional wounds.

Family, friends, and even counselors may feel squeamish about the cutting and blood, bruising, or pain. And they may be afraid that the cutter will attempt suicide. Self-injury is self-inflicted physical harm that is serious enough to cause bodily damage or to leave marks that last at least two hours. By far the most common way that people harm themselves is by cutting. Here are some statistics on the most common ways that people hurt themselves.

Many people have trouble understanding and accepting that people would deliberately injure themselves. Why cut yourself, draw blood and leave a scar? Why cause yourself pain? People who self-injure may be frozen by past trauma of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. Or they have denied and detached from other emotional wounds. Then in crisis or another stressful situation they deal with their emotional pain by physically harming themselves.

Princess Diana confessed that she reacted to the strain of her marriage by throwing herself down the staircase and cutting herself with razors, pens, knives, and lemon slicers. So they harm themselves. They may be depressed or feel empty. Their emotional pain is unbearable and they feel it in their bodies as intense arousal. Their sadness, fear, guilt, or anger feel overwhelming and out of control. They feel panicky, jittery, and trapped.

Then the extreme tension and arousal in their bodies and souls returns to a more bearable level. Their emotions feel overwhelming or out of control and so convert them into physical pain.

The physical pain feels more manageable: they can see the wounds on their bodies, they can see the bleeding stop, and they can see their body heal. Some people like the attention they get attention for wounding themselves and others are embarrassed by it. They may feel bad about themselves or how empty their life feels. They take their anger out on themselves. The best way to understand what cutters and others who self-harm are going through is to listen to what they have to say about their experience.

I found these quotes on the Internet. Almost anything can set me off. Most of all, the desire to injure myself comes when I feel like I have failed at something or when I feel as though someone close to me is going to leave me. Cutting relieves the pain that nothing else can take away. There is a weird sort of comfort in having an injury on the outside. It is also a whole lot easier to deal with than crud from the past and present. During [I feel] a sense of satisfaction, control, victory.

After [I feel] like dirt. As a coping mechanism, self-injury temporarily works to relieve emotional pain and unwanted feelings. And it is accompanied by an adrenaline rush. For these reasons it can become addictive. Most of the time, I do not quit until I am exhausted both emotionally, and physically. The ultimate source of this love is Jesus Christ. Sometimes I will write my feelings down on paper, speaking as I choose without pressure. People who injure themselves need care, though they may be scared to ask for it and resist it.

The cutting in itself is not a suicide attempt. Although people who self-injure may attempt suicide. That closes up people emotionally and shames them. Never moralize, judge or criticize in your role as a New Hope Counselor! The most important thing you can do is to listen calmly. Be available when the person who self-harms is ready to talk.

At opportune times gently ask open-ended questions like,. Or make compassionate statements that communicate your concern like:. They like how cutting makes them feel, at least compared to how overwhelmed they felt before the episode of cutting. To be motivated to get help they need to see the negative consequences of their self-harming.

Here are some questions that promote listening and caring and can help those who harm themselves to re-consider their behavior:. If the person is motivated to change then you can begin to explore alternative ways of dealing with emotional pain besides self-injury.

Ask questions like:. Self-injurers feel overwhelmed or detached and so they cut. When you ask questions, listen, and offer empathy to someone who self-harms your implicitly teaching them to think and feel before they react to their pain by injuring. Sometimes I write poems, stories, or sketch because they take a lot of concentration and also express the emotions.

Sometimes I will do a lot of physical exercise that is really intense. Then I realized that I was depressed. I started scratching myself with my fingernails on my arms and legs. It was sometimes bad enough to make me bleed and always noticeable for a week afterward. I would do this instead of crying. I developed a boyfriend and things he said and did hurt me so much that I was constantly sad. I spent most of my time in tears. I became so sick of crying. And I hated that when I was depressed I had no control over my emotions or anything.

And I felt like the smile I wore was fake. Hurting myself on my body was better than hurting on the inside. It made me feel like I was in control of my emotions. I transferred my inside pain to outside pain, something I had total control over. Only later did I realize that this only made things worse!

I broke up with my boyfriend and asked God to help me. It used to be that when I was depressed I relied only on myself to get through it, but then I learned to ask God to help me and to trust people who cared for me.

The hope for people who cut themselves is Jesus, bleeding on the cross and dying for our sins. He rose from the dead to forgive our sins and welcome us into the Kingdom of God — not only when we die, but also today. Those who self-injure are seeking comfort from their own wounds rather than the wounds of Jesus.

They need help learning how to engage themselves in an authentic, living connection to Christ, trusting him in their hearts, experiencing his unconditional love and healing mercy, relying on his power for living a life of love for God, others, and self.

Learning to trust Christ in this way requires being honest in with God in prayer and in relationships with others in the Body of Christ, especially a Christian counselor or support group.

Here are some resources. Katie, it is loving for you to look for a way to help your friend. Let him know you love him and it hurts you to see him hurt herself. Share this article with him and let him know there is help available.

Caring for People who Cut Themselves (Help for Self-Injury)

Anna was wearing long sleeves under her soccer jersey again. But when Anna raised her arm, Monica noticed fresh cuts on her forearm. When she saw Monica looking at them, Anna said something about losing a fight with her mother's rose bushes. You're aware that some people — both guys and girls — cut themselves on purpose.

For some people, when depression and anxiety lead to a tornado of emotions, they turn to self-harm looking for a release. Self-harm and self-injury are any forms of hurting oneself on purpose. Usually, when people self-harm, they do not do so as a suicide attempt.

I have written many blogs on the subject of cutting. But, today, I want to talk specifically to the friends of cutters. This can be a hard subject to talk about and it can be a very sensitive subject to the cutter so it is important to keep the following things in mind when trying to help. Someone recently wrote to me and asked : My friend is cutting. My friend who i trusted so much and told her about my cutting, did not support me, told me to stop a couple of times and didint mention anything at all.

How Can I Help a Friend Who Cuts?

Learn more. Emma's mom first noticed the cuts when Emma was doing the dishes one night. Emma told her mom that their cat had scratched her. Her mom seemed surprised that the cat had been so rough, but she didn't think much more about it. Emma's friends had noticed something strange as well. Even when the weather was hot, Emma wore long-sleeved shirts. She had become secretive, too, like something was bothering her. But Emma couldn't seem to find the words to tell her mom or her friends that the marks on her arms were from something that she had done. She was cutting herself with a razor when she felt sad or upset. Injuring yourself on purpose by making scratches or cuts on your body with a sharp object — enough to break the skin and make it bleed — is called cutting.

What to say to someone who tells you they are cutting

You want to know how you can help a friend who is cutting. When someone tells you they are cutting, they are struggling and looking for someone to listen. Bullying, divorce, death of a parent, for example. It can go from being a habit to an addiction which is dangerous. So something like the script below, although simplistic and probably corny, it will give you the idea of a direction in which to go can help you help a friend who is cutting.

Years ago I was responsible for training volunteer telephone counselors for an international Christian ministry. We were getting calls a day from adults and teenagers who were in crisis, hurting in some other way, or needing prayer.

Our site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Find out more here. The counsellor can wait up to 2 minutes.

Help, My Friend Is Cutting

Cutting is a form of self-harming that is done with no intent of suicide. People who resort to multiple episodes of cutting are usually those who fall in the category of people experiencing loneliness, emptiness in the heart, those having difficult or dysfunctional relationships. People who cut themselves may also have an inability to cope with stress, an inability to express feelings and emotions owing to inadequate communication skills, have had traumatic experiences, or may have undergone abuse of some kind, which can be sexual, physical, or emotional at some point of their lives. It can be scary to find out that someone you know is cutting themselves, but you can support them by helping them cope with their emotions and encouraging them to seek professional help.

The thought that a friend might be self-injuring can be shocking and confusing. You may be angry and frustrated with your friend for hurting themselves, and you may have no clue about what to do or how to help. It can be tough to grasp why someone would want to intentionally harm themself. Learning why people self-injure helps you better understand what your friend is going through and empathize with them. This also helps you become better equipped to help them.

5 Helpful Things to Say to a Friend Who Self-Harms (and 3 to Avoid)

If someone you love is hurting themselves through self-harm , you may feel at a loss. Self-harm is typically best understood as an unhealthy coping mechanism for emotional suffering, according to the National Alliance on Mental Health NAMI. Other possible reasons for self-harm include trying to break through emotional numbness, avoiding distressing memories, signaling a need for help, punishing themselves, or needing to exert a sense of control, according to the U. National Library of Medicine. A lot of how you handle this will depend on the specific situation.

Dear Auntie, I'm worried about my friend who I just found out is cutting. She said that she can't talk to her mom and has been using a razor to cut herself when.


How do I tell my friend to stop cutting me off?


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